It has taken me almost 3 years to feel the feelings I feel now. I know so many people who say they are happy because they don’t want pity, I used to be one of those people. Growing out of that habit took a very long time. When my brother passed, I felt like I had a chain around my heart like I could never feel true happiness again. Every year since then I have wished to myself to be okay, to feel love, have a real smile etc. I became hopeless, but this year I had a dream with my brother telling me that he is happy and okay, ever since I had this dream I feel so free. I can finally breathe, letting that hostage of pain and anger I felt for so long be lifted off my shoulders. If someone asked me “How did you become happy?” I would say “time, I watched the clock go around a million times. I waited and found 7 girls who showed me how to feel the correct feelings.” For those who are wanted to wake up one morning and be happy I’m sorry to tell you but it doesn’t work like that. Instead of giving up because you are scared of the future or giving up because you are feeling hopeless you have to at least try to make an improvement on how you are going to have a good mindset. Start with the positives instead of the negatives. I gave up at some point in my life because I truly felt like I could never be happy. But by giving up on yourself means you are taking one step back instead of taking one step forward. Being internal happy is a different type of feeling, its better. This type of happiness feels like jumping in a freezing cold pool or taking in a beautiful view. For those who look at me they can just tell I am truly doing 100% better, happy just looks good on everyone except if its fake people. The people who love you and cherish your presents they can tell the difference between real and fake happiness based on how you act, the expressions you make or the things you say. Its Something I never felt in my life, I hope you feel it soon.
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